Day 1 : A Day of One Thousand Hours

 I decided to start my six week fast one day early. I had gorged myself on so much food the last few weeks that I was craving for a break from it. I gave up all sense of control and opted to eat strictly for pleasure, I went where my whims took me because I knew this fast was coming, and with it, a great change.

I will likely detail that at some point in the future. For now I will get to the wonderful perspective that has come with completing my first day -- two days before thanksgiving.

    This first day was relatively easy. Instead of food I had tea. I wasn't bored. My day largely went the same as most days do. The only difference was the mild discomfort of the beginnings of withdrawl from all the food I was having; a mild headache-- if I can even call it that. But right around my 3 rd episode of Blue Bloods at 8pm, my brain began toying with the idea of finishing the peanut stew, plantain and pounded yam I purchased the night before.

The smell of the plantains, the texture of them in my mouth, dipping them in the stew. The experience of spice building in my palate and in my belly as I would eat it. The comfortable routine of that unctuous dinner while in front of my television watching the Reagans eat their Sunday meal. I would eat with them.

 

    My mind fighting its fiercest opponent with thoughts of holding sacred the first day of fast. Realizing that I was not even actually hungry--just trying to conveniently execute disposing of the food in my body )and enjoying doing it) instead of "away". Away being anywhere but in my mouth.

 

If I gave in now I would start this fast with disappointment in myself, it would add pressure to tomorrow to be successful. I just need to see myself do this. 

But I won't ever have it again. I can't let it go bad or throw it away. 

None of that is true. I will allow myself delicious food. I can always go and get it fresh from Ike's. 

Oh yea, that's true. But this exercise is futile.

 

    The internal monologue was intense and went back and forth for about half and episode. 

    I just decided to tell myself that I would "have it tomorrow." It just so happens that my day is a day of a thousand hours. I'm using that time to practice making food a choice that I make intentionally and thoughtfully instead of the thoughtless automatic thought it is now. 

    I'm using my day to practice keeping promises to myself. I will develop the confidence and esteem in this area of my life that I so easily have in other areas. 

    I need the time to work out how I will balance the joys of living life with the joy of eating food. 

    On a more practical note, on sunny days when I hop out of bed and just want somewhere to go and something to do I've considered the option of going to get a colonic or spend time in the sauna, maybe even find a place to have a cup of tea or read a book. The sauna idea is really exciting to me.

I also discovered that my liquid electrolytes do wonders when I crave salt. 

Here's to winning this small battle.